


Yousef-No-chill-Acar’s POV

by drmiralife



Category: SKAM (TV), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 23:12:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11091906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drmiralife/pseuds/drmiralife
Summary: This is my idea of what Yousef might have been thinking and what might have made him act the way he did in Episode 5 at SYNG and after that as well. I just wanted to put myself in his shoes, rather than being mad at him any longer, and try to make light of this messy Yousana situation. The first chapter is a throwback to the development of his feelings and how he experienced the past encounters with Sana in the prior episodes, the next will be about Even, the fight and the Noora kiss.





	1. Chapter 1

Yousef was lying in his bed, smiling like an idiot. Elias had just texted him, that Sana invited all the boys to come to a Karaoke party tonight. That alone made him extremely happy. But when Elias added, that Sana explicitly wanted him to come, his whole body and soul bursted in anticipation. Sana, the beautiful, strong, smart Sana Bakkoush, wanted him, the guy who is desperately crushing over her, to be there. He couldn’t believe it.

Yousef couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment he started to develop feelings for Sana. It’s been a long time coming. He has known her for years as his best friend’s younger sister, but as kid’s she was just that, Elias’ cute little sister. But once they grew up, he realized that now this fondness had turned to attraction: She had those dark green almond shaped eyes, a delicate little nose, prominent cheeks that were perfectly framed by her black Hijab, and full lips, which spread into the most heart-warming smile, revealing a perfect set of white teeth and his favourite feature - her beautiful dimples. Every time Yousef saw them, his heart seemed to skip a beat. But she hadn’t just enchanted him with her looks. Sana had become exceptionally strong over the years. She knew how to stand her back in front of her brother and his comments. She also seemed to be really smart, she was passionate about her believes and hobbies, she was loyal and kind. The list could go on forever.

But until a few weeks ago he hadn’t dared to live out this crush, Sana was his best friend’s little sister after all and she was very faithful to her religion, which he admired and was one of the many reasons Yousef started liking her, but he had lost his faith and knew that this would be a hard obstacle to overcome. Plus he didn’t even know if she would like him back. Yes, he had seen some of what seemed like curious looks and smiles from her part, but how could he know, she wasn’t just being kind?

Sana has slowly been taking over his mind more and more, but nothing but friendly looks and small sentences were shared between them. When Elias made a ridiculous comment about her being a russ, he couldn’t help himself. Yousef wanted to cheer her up, so he found a Khaleesi meme and edited it for her.  Then after a long internal debate he finally sent her a friend request on Facebook, something he wanted to do forever and once she accepted, he delivered the meme right away. His heart was racing as if he had just run a marathon. But when she didn’t respond, he regretted sending it.. What was he thinking? He kept checking his phone every two minutes. But she didn’t answer. He felt so stupid. He was spiralling into an abyss of overthinking: _So Sana accepted my FR, that’s good right? That could mean she likes me? But why didn’t she answer then? Fy faen, she probably thinks I’m not funny! Maybe she just wants to be friends. But she could have answered right?  Maybe she got busy and couldn’t.. Yes that’s what happened! OR she is weirded out by the fact I send that awful meme.. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!_

He was feeling really shitty until he saw her again at the Bakkoush Household. _How can a person look so beautiful eating a carrot?,_ he had thought and all of the past worries were forgotten instantly. He was drunk on Sana. When he saw Mama Bakkoush leave the kitchen, he couldn’t help it. Yousef excused himself, went to the kitchen and told Sana he was there _to get something to drink. Yeah right.._ He needed to walk past her to get to the fridge and he was feeling really desperate. In that moment Yousef had no chill and he didn’t care. There was a lot of space between Sana and the kitchen table, but regardless of that, he got as close as possible walking past her, stopping a second to look at her back, taking in her scent, while an Ed Sheeran song was playing. This moment would later haunt him in his dreams as the first close encounter they had had so far. Once he got the juice, he was back to looking at her failing to do as simple a task as peeling a carrot. It was hilarious to him, that strong, independent Sana Bakkoush who seemed to always know everything, couldn’t even peel a carrot properly. First he starred and enjoyed the show, but he couldn’t see her helpless like that for long. He took the initiative and started talking to her, trying to teach her how to peel a carrot. But she failed again. So he took the peeler from her, and in that moment their fingers brushed each other and an electric current went through his body. Now he was also high on Sana. They started talking about his job at a kindergarten, liking children, about how many kids she wanted to have and how many kids he wanted to have. _Real smooth Acar, real smooth._ During that conversation her magnifying smile had spread across her full cheeks, revealing her cute dimples. And this time they were only directed at him and it gave him an amazing feeling he had never experienced with any girl before. They were way too soon interrupted by Elias, telling Yousef jokingly to stop flirting with Sana. Yousef feeling embarrassed tried to deflect that statement.

Later while still drunk and high on Sana, he wrote her again on Facebook, in hopes she would understand that he did in fact try to flirt with her and this time she answered. They started talking and he was giving all his best to subtly let her know that he liked her, without having to say it. He had allowed himself to believe that there was hope for the both of them, until one night when Sana had her russ friends over at her house and he and the boys just happened to interrupt. There were over approximately 20 drunk girls dancing in the living room and Sana’s parents would be coming home any minute. So Yousef and Elias threw all the girls out for Sana, who seemed overwhelmed with the task by herself, and helped remove the evidence. Once the parents came home, they did find a bottle of Vodka, so Yousef just took the fault, blaming it on a friend. Sana’s parents didn’t seem happy at all, but as long as Sana wouldn’t get into trouble, he wasn’t feeling too bad about it. Once Elias and him left, Yousef got a text from Sana, thanking him. He liked that thought, him as her hero, but it didn’t last long, because she said she would find a way to convince her parents that he was a good Muslim after all. There it was, the topic he had feared to bring up. But he knew regardless of his worries that he had to be honest, Sana deserved to know. So Yousef told her that he didn’t believe in Allah. And then he didn’t hear from her again. He should have known it was too soon, but he couldn’t just lie to her forever.

Yousef kept writing her, trying to deflect the topic with some jokes. And each time he didn’t get a respond his heart was breaking a little. She eventually removed him as a friend from Facebook, a blow Yousef hadn’t expected. He felt like that behaviour was completely unfair of her. SO what if he wasn’t really Muslim anymore, none of her friends were either?! Why did she have to remove him because of that _. Does that-Could that possibly mean she did hope for more between us?_ Yousef was beating himself up over it.

A week after the bottle incident, Elias was at his place and had gotten drunk. Yousef didn’t know what was going on with his friend, but he knew he couldn’t stay at his place, because Yousef’s parents would be home any time soon. But he also knew he couldn’t just send Elias home, so he had to call the one person he was hurting over-Sana. He took her number out of Elias phone, and dialled the number onto his. Yes, he could have just called from Elias’ phone, but who knew? Maybe he would need her number later on? _Real smooth Acar_. So he called her, the first time she didn’t answer. He was getting desperate and the clock was ticking. The second time she picked up, Yousef hectically explained the situation and Sana suggested bringing Elias to her best friend’s house. He had met Noora at a Party with Sana’s other friends before. She was a really nice and cool girl, easy to talk to. He liked the fact Sana had such a great friend. Back in the day the circumstance that Sana’s friends were all without a doubt non-Muslim, had given him hope to even take a first step towards her. He was obviously wrong.

While leaving the apartment building with Sana he offered to walk her home, hoping he could have any form of contact to her again. She first declined, but he insisted. While walking they kept a safe distance, which felt like kilometres to him. The uncomfortable silence and shy glances didn’t help at all. The air between them was filled with unspoken issues and his mind was racing to find a way to start a conversation, but it was blank. Until he saw a football on the side of the street. He went over to get it, kicked it and started passing it in front of him. Then he remembered Sana liked Basketball more, so he kicked the ball up and started dribbling it with his hand. Soon after Sana asked him what Elias had been drinking, so Yousef answered teasingly _Vodka._ While Sana was taken of guard, he passed the ball towards her, which she obviously couldn’t catch. Then Yousef started teasing her about her bad reaction, enjoying her fierce reaction: The way her competitiveness lit up and she confidently strut towards Yousef with the ball tucked under her arm while hot temperament was adorning her soft face, did beautiful things to his mind he couldn’t even begin to describe. He quickly began apologizing to not feel her wrath while still laughing and told her to pass the ball, which she did full force. A basketball court was just around the corner and they started playing. Yousef was always surprised how well Sana played and how natural it came to her. Yousef made a mental note that he needed to practice. But he didn’t care about his pride being hurt, because Sana smiling from cheek to cheek made more than up for it. She was amazing and he was awestruck.

Once they got tired they sat down to catch their breaths. After a while Sana asked him why he didn’t believe in Allah. He was happy that they could talk, but afraid of what she would think if she knew. Regardless he told her about Even and the struggles Even has had about his sexuality in relation to Islam. Yousef had felt extremely guilty when this conflict drove one of his prior best friends into a suicide attempt and their friendship was broken. He explained to Sana that he had realized that religion didn’t completely agree with his personal morals anymore. So he took the best of Islam and dumped the rest. Sana calmly explained her standpoint and how she felt about her faith and how it calmed her down in the most restless moments and it was beautiful to Yousef, although he felt like he didn’t need it for himself personally. He felt like she understood. Sana was so caught up in her talk that she started explaining how cockroaches had Antibiotics in their brains and how everything had a bigger reasoning. Yousef couldn’t’ help but admire her passion. They then took a stroll through the park and he picked some blue bells for her which she attached to her Hijab. Sana was so beautiful and smart, he felt like he was on top of the world with her in that moment.

When the night had started to set, they finally reached her apartment building and stood in front of it facing each other. Sana was looking so stunning, while it seemed like her gaze was fixated on his eyes directly. He couldn’t believe it, so he asked her just to make sure. She confirmed it and laughed so dearingly that his heart was about to drop. He couldn’t help but move his line of sight towards her full lips framing her beautiful smile and imagine what they would feel like. And as if she was reading his mind, she started shaking her head while suppressing a smile. He has never been rejected so sweetly. His feelings were bursting inside him and clouding his mind, so he couldn’t think straight anymore. He had totally forgotten what he wanted to say. Then Mama Bakkoush interrupted them all too soon, and the beautiful moment ended. On his way home Yousef was gliding on a cloud of ecstasy, not being able to repress his smile. Sana had stolen his heart today and he couldn’t be happier.

The next few days were filled with work, his boys and some basketball practice. He had hoped Sana would send him a FR again or just send any sign of interest. But there was none. Yousef knew she needed time to think about everything and he would give it to her. After their beautiful evening on the basketball court, he was high on hopes for them and would give her all the space she needed. With every day that passed though, some doubts were creeping up naturally, maybe religion was too big of an issue for a relationship in Sana’s eyes after all, but they were all gone when Elias told him about the invitation.

Yousef looked at his phone and saw the time _18:07 o’clock_. He got up to his feed and went get ready for the night. He showered, shaved, got dressed and put on one of his favourite snapbacks. He wanted to look extra good for Sana. Yousef was nervous but happy to see her again and especially spending a night of singing and laughter with her. _What could possibly go wrong from here?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of Syng including the fight and the kiss.

Yousef met the boys at the Metro station. The Squad hugged each other, pecked each other’s cheeks and made their way to the party. They all seemed excited.

Adam asked **“Yo Elias, you sure the girls from your apartment the other night are coming??”**

**“Yes, Sana said they would be there”** Elias said exasperated answering this question for what felt like the 100 th time. There was some cheering and High Fives from the guys.

**“Ah, so I finally get to see her again..”** , Mutta proclaimed dreamingly. All the guys looked questioningly at each other. Yousef finally said **“Huh, who?”** thinking of a few ways to beat him up, if he dared to say Sana. **“This one girl- No princess! She was the most beautiful thing I ever beheld, she-”**

Elias started laughing **“Hva faen, who are you talking about?”**

**“She was at your place the other night, and I swear the moment I came in, she couldn’t keep her eyes of me”** Mutta explained. All the guys chuckled at their friends antics. Mikael eventually said **“She probably saw buggers crawling out of your nose and couldn’t help but stare.”** The boys cracked up at that comment, while Elias continued **“Like a car accident, you don’t want to see it, but can’t help looking!”** Adam started motioning buggers coming out of Mutta’s Nose, while they all had a hard time holding back their laughter. Mutta tried to defend himself **“Wallah she was into me!“** , while Yousef patted his Neck comfortingly. They then went into a discussion, about whether Mutta had a chance with that girl and how he could possibly higher them.

Yousef wasn’t paying attention anymore, he zoned out into his own thoughts about Sana and how these things could apply to their relationship. He knew there were still many doubts between them, which is why he tried to keep his hopes at bay, but he was failing miserably. Last Friday had more than exceeded his expectations and he was hoping the same for tonight, which brought a rush excitement and nervousness to him. Despite that, he tried to calm his mind and think straight, so he wouldn’t fail when they saw each other. He wanted Sana to think he was cool.

Yousef was brought back from his thoughts when Elias proclaimed, Sana just wrote him to ask where they were. Even though his heart began racing with excitement and his hands were sweaty, because Sana couldn’t wait for them - for _him_ \-  to be there, he kept a nondescriptive facade in front of his friends. Yousef knew they all suspected he had some attraction for Sana, and they teased him about that from time to time, but only when Elias wasn’t around. The boys didn’t want to make any comments about Sana in front of her older brother. But Yousef also suspected that Elias knew, and once or if there would be anything serious developing between Sana and him, he would get a talk from Elias about not hurting his sister. Not that Yousef needed a reminder of Elias strength nor not to hurt Sana, he could never do such a thing. The thought alone, that he could be responsible for inflicting pain to somebody as pure as her and being the reason for her mesmerizing smile fading, made his heart clench inside his chest. He pushed that thought aside as the Club with the name SYNG was reaching his sight. The guys were still joking about something, but he couldn’t hear anything above his heartbeat and excitement to see Sana after a week, which felt like an eternity to him. He straightened his shirt and pants while walking towards the entry, hoping to make the best impression to her.

Yousef was the first to enter the club, desperately searching for a glimpse of Sana. He was brought out of his thoughts by Elias’ hand landing on his shoulder, which directed him to look towards the stage. There standing was a frozen Even, just as shocked to see them as they were to see him. A guy, who seemed to be Even’s boyfriend _(?)_ came to help him sing as all the people in the room started chanting Imagine together. Yousef couldn’t help but feel happy to see that Even had found new friends.

As he roamed the club with his eyes, they finally met a smirking Sana. And as if a lightning hit Yousef he understood. An awful sense of betrayal and foolishness was creeping his way through his body, as his smile vanished. _How stupid could I have been.. This is the reason Sana wanted us here, this was her plan all along. So we could play happy family with Even again._. And as if the universe was out to get to him tonight, Sana looked more beautiful than he had ever seen. He needed some space, and excused himself and went straight to the bathroom.

He closed the door and held onto the sink while trying to sort his mind. Realisation hit him as disappointment rose inside Yousef. _She doesn’t want to be with me. She just wants to play god and have us all together here, that’s the reason she even cared to invite me in the first place. That’s why she didn’t reach out to me all week._ The dismay was then replaced by anger. _She didn’t listen to a thing I said about my faith. Is this what she wants?! To get me back into Islam, by making up with Even?! I poured my heart out to her and she didn’t even mention that she knows how Even is doing. I thought she had understood. Did I imagine last week? Did I imagine everything between us??_ His mind was clouded with a cocktail of emotions. He couldn’t even begin to straighten all the thoughts rushing through him. He needed to calm down. He turned on the cold water from the sink, took of his hat and started washing his hands, face and neck trying to cool himself. It reminded him of a time when he still used to pray, which just send his thoughts spiralling towards Sana and the regret he felt about everything that had happened with Even. _She didn’t feel any compassion at all about the fact that the Even situation, made me lose my faith. She just cares to get her own way._ He couldn’t think straight. _How could I have been such a fool? This can’t be true._ He turned off the water and dried himself up. He needed to be calm right now. He couldn’t get too emotional. He put a façade back on.

As he walked out of the bathroom he saw Elias and Adam standing in front of the entry looking a little worried. He walked towards them asking **“Whats happening?”** Elias pointed outside and said **“Mikael and Even are talking. Mutta is there too.”** Yousef understood. Mikael and Even looked a little uncomfortable, but they seemed to be talking calmly. Mutta probably helped by breaking the silence. _Maybe this wasn’t that bad at all?_ But he was thrown right back into reality as Even’s boyfriend came interrupting the scene. They heard him say **“What’s going on here?”** looking quiet irritated and not too happy about Even’s and Mikael’s conversation. Adam, Elias and Yousef tensed a little. Mutta trying to let Even and Mikael have their long overdue talk put his arm in front of the boyfriend saying **“Come on Bro, let’s leave them alone”** The boyfriend seemed to misunderstand his arm as a threat and pushed Mutta away, who taken of guard fell to the ground, and then charged towards a clueless Mikael punching him. Before Yousef could even blink, Elias and Adam were running to the scene. _Shit this won’t end well._ Elias didn’t take it lightly when someone dared to attack his friends, especially Mikael, one of the kindest in their group and one to never cause physical drama. So Yousef expected, what happened next: Elias hit Even’s boyfriend in the face with what was 10 times the force the boyfriend had used on Mikael. Elias started yelling at him. Then some other guys came rushing to the scene attacking his friends. So Yousef ran there as well, trying to separate them. It was impossible. In this state Elias wouldn’t listen, he knew that, but he couldn’t just let him beat up more people. Only one person can calm him. Sana. _F*ck_. Yousef ran inside desperately trying to find her. There she was by the bar talking to Noora. He ran to her, touched her back trying to emphasize the urgency of the situation and told her about Elias being in trouble. Worry and shock spread across her face, but was immediately replaced by her natural strength and confidents. She got to her feet with a straight back and made her way outside. Yousef wanted to follow, but was frozen to the spot. _This is her fault isn’t it? Had she not set us up, there would have never been a fight. Now she needs to see how she can break this up._ He paused that thought. _What are you thinking, Acar? She could get hurt.._ Before he was about to go after her he took a look at Noora, who seemed really upset. Yousef said **“You are good here right?”** while starting to leave, he heard her quietly say **“No”** , which made him stop. Maybe this was a sign that he should not go out and get further involved. He felt guilty enough about Even, he didn’t want to face this fight anymore. He knew Elias would stop the moment he would see Sana and they would leave together.  So Yousef took this chance of distraction and stayed with Noora. **“Why? What happened?”** He asked trying to calm down. She tried to smile **“Ah nothing really. It’s just I found out my ex has a new girlfriend. And as if that’s not bad enough it seems, everybody knew but me”**

**“I’m sorry, that must be hard”** he said.

**“It’s okay”,** she tried to smile at him, **“It’s just, I just don’t understand Sana..”**

**“Sana?”** that name had him on full attention modus again.

Noora explained, **“She knew but didn’t tell me. “**

**“Mhm..”**  Yousef thought, that didn’t sound anything like Sana, **“But how did Sana know? Does she have more contact to your ex than you or?”**

**“No no. He lives in London.”**

**“Well, maybe she didn’t tell you, because she thought it was a rumour? Sounds like she didn’t want to hurt you without knowing the whole truth.”** Here he was protecting the girl, who mocked him and his feelings.

**“Yes, you are probably right. That is what Sana would do.”** Noora agreed, but added **“Her behaviour still doesn’t make perfect sense to me, though.”**

**“Her behaviour?”** Yousef was really curious, because it didn’t make sense to him either.

**“Yes, you know, I guess she wanted me to get over Willia- I mean, my ex by meeting new guys. So we went to Grønland together, I think so there would be Muslim guys for her as well. And we actually met two really nice Muslim students, who flirted with us and all..”** Yousef felt like he has just been slapped in the face. Here he was dreaming and crushing over a girl, who was dating other guys. His heart was aching with the betrayal. He knew it shouldn’t, they weren’t together after all, but he couldn’t help it. She had taken over his whole life, infected his thoughts with every little smile. He was overanalysing every little interaction between them. Thinking she liked him back. But she went ahead and dated other people. Not just other people. Other _Muslim_ people, because that is all that seemed to matter. When he thought it couldn’t get worse, Noora continued her story. **“But it didn’t make sense, because Sana had said before, when I suggested dating another Muslim guy I knew that they were immature and only played with Norwegian girls. This didn’t make sense to me at all.”**

**“Another Muslim guy**?”, he asked, and Noora seemed to blush.

She continued smiling nervously **“Well, ha-ha, you?”** That was it, the final answer, confirming all of his fears. He was the immature guy who only played with Norwegian girls? Is that how low she had thought of him. The pain in Yousef’s chest became excruciating. He was such a fool, falling in love with a girl, who would never like him back. All the interactions he must have seen through pink glasses. Every emotion he must have only felt on his part. He was devastated.

Yousef tried to pull himself back to reality, as hard as it was and managed to say **“I’m not Muslim”**

**“You are not?”** Noora asked surprised.

**“No”** he said coldly. He was drained from emotions.

**“So you don’t mind if I do this?”** and before he could say anything she crashed her lips on his, her arms snaking her way around his neck and her lips moving furiously on his. He didn’t protest. He needed to let go. So he kissed Noora back, but keeping his hands at his side. It felt good, like any kiss would feel good. But there were no usual emotions, just the pain and need to forget everything. The longer they kissed the less he felt. He didn’t want Noora, he just wanted to forget Sana. He wanted to forget her, forget all the moments they had together, all the conversations, all the interactions. He was in pain, because how could he have imagined all of this. How could his mind have fooled him like that? His thoughts were chaotic in his brain. He felt like he was gonna choke from the proximity. He needed some spacr. He pulled away from Noora, who looked surprised at his swollen red eyes and sad expression. **“I-I’m sorry this wasn’t right”** she began to ramble **“I’m just trying to get over my ex. It’s a really complicated story. It wasn’t fair to get you invol-“ “It’s okay”** he choked out with his voice low from a clump in his throat **“I’m just trying to get over someone as well”** he admitted. **“I’m sorry, do you want to talk about it?”** Noora said, he smiled painfully at her **“No, I just need some room to think. I’m sorry Noora, I really am.” “Honestly it’s okay”** she said. With that he left into the night almost feeling like he was in a trance, trying to get home and _forget everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here Chapter two of Yousefs POV. I tried to use the theories that most people have already come up with on tumblr and work them together, so it makes sense. I dont know if it does though. Also hope the dialogue isn’t too ooc, tried really hard to get the characters right, but meh. Please leave suggestions and thoughts, if you want this continued <3  
> PS: Honestly am I just a slow writer or does it take you guys this long to write a fic as well, lol? It took me multiple hours.  
> PS 2: Please, excuse the imperfections in language. I am by no means a professional writer and English is my third language. Also I am way too tired to reread and correct everything right about now, sorry xo  
> My tumblr: drmiralife

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first chapter. Tell me what you think. The next chapter is going to be SYNG, and I already know how I’m going to explain Yousef’s behaviour and we will have some dialogue finally (I love writing them a lot more than thoughts to be honest.). I hope it’s going to be relatable.  
> PS: Please, excuse the imperfections in language. Also am I by no means a professional writer and English is my third language. Plus first Fanfic ever.  
> My tumblr: drmiralife


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